


An Interview with Superman Where He Goes Through His Relationships

by SmartCoffee



Category: DCU (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21655615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartCoffee/pseuds/SmartCoffee
Summary: A reporter asks Superman to open up about his dating history. Life isn't always easy when you're the Man of Steel. Why didn't it work out with Supergirl? What makes Lois Lane his perfect match?
Relationships: Clark Kent/Lois Lane
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	An Interview with Superman Where He Goes Through His Relationships

S = Superman

A = Adam Jiffy, freelance writer for HypeFeed

Superman wakes up in a white tee and black jogging pants. His massive hand slaps his phone. It’s 6:40. Reads his Facebook notifications. It’s just birthdays and memes. He opens his calendar app. 

S: (thinking) “It’s today. At 7. Crap.”

Superman does an abbreviated version of his grooming routine and changes into a white dress shirt and slacks. He fires off a quick good morning text to Lois. "You make my heart race faster than a speeding bullet."

[Superman and Adam Jiffy both open FaceTime]

S: Morning Adam. I hope I didn’t keep you waiting.

A: No sir. You’re right on time. 

S: What’s your angle on this piece? Is it a country boy makes it in the city thing? Or maybe a political story about the influence of the Justice League on geopolitics?

A: Not exactly. Those are great ideas but not what my editor and I had in mind. It’s more like - who is the man inside Superman? Our readers admire you and wish they could hang out with you. The story is to give them a picture of what that would be like.

S: Oh if they only knew.

A: What do you mean?

S: Hanging out with me isn’t fun. It’s work. I don’t watch Netflix or play Fortnite. My weekends involve evacuating hospitals and rebuilding dams. Lois says she's shocked at how dull I am.

A: That's hilarious. Superman, the dull husband. 

S: Ask me one of the questions you prepared.

A: Can you cook?

S: I’m not great at it, but I can get the job done. I grill steaks, I fry fish, and I roast vegetables. 

A: Do you always eat healthy?

S: Not always, but most of the time. If I get soft, I’ll pay for it.

A: But you have super strength and super speed.

S: Sure. But I think strategically. Being extremely fit is a defensive strategy. If the other guy is afraid of me, he won’t even try to fight me. That’s ideal.

A: What do you eat on cheat day?

S: Oh you mean when I’m eating junk? A dark, thick chocolate cake.

A: Are we talking about a few slices or the whole cake?

S: Three whole cakes

A: You’ve said in other interviews that you’re from the Midwest. What do you remember about living in the Midwest?

S: It’s very quiet. I’d go sledding down small hills in the winter. I’d play Cornhole in the summer with some local guys.

A: You would play what?

S: Oh that’s right, I think out here you call it “Bags.” It’s that game with a wooden board that has a hole in it. You throw beanbags so that they fall down the hole. 

A: You must’ve been great at it.

S: Haha. No. I was terrrrrible. My powers were starting to kick in but I couldn’t control them. Sometimes I would throw 10 feet too long. Then I’d overcorrect and be 10 feet too short. My buddies didn’t know what was wrong with me.

A: There was something funny about how you explained what Cornhole was. You know the other meaning of that, don't you?

S: I do. I get it. I can be naive but I'm a grown man. There's some speculation in the media that I'm gay. When it comes to my bedroom, I happen to be straight. When it comes to the world, I support the freedom to love who you love.

A: That was well-said. How many times have you been in love?

S: Four times.

A: That’s it?

S: That’s it. I’m guessing you want to know about each one.

A: If you could.

S: Lana, Kara, Diana, and Lois. Lana was my high school crush. I was certain that I was headed to Metropolis and she wasn’t ready to move. Now the thing with Kara is that she is my first cousin. 

A: Superman, that’s - um - kind of gross.

S: But at the time, I thought she was the only other living Kryptonian. She’s feisty and funny. But we didn’t have chemistry.

A: And Diana is Wonder Woman?

S: Yeah. She's adventurous and sophisticated. But at the end of the day, she didn’t get me. She grew up on a remote island and I grew up on a farm in the Midwest.

A: But you chose Lois.

S: Lois is a combination of a million different people. She’s a badass, an intellectual, an artist, a poet, and a revolutionary. I relate to that because I play so many roles like warrior, peacemaker, policeman, fireman, judge, and athlete. And Lois is just as clear as day about how she feels.

A: What your darkest secret?

S: I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you.

A: Oh good one. 

[Superman’s expression turns into a poker face.}

A: Wait, you were joking, right?

[Superman grins.]

S: I’ll tell you a secret that won’t get anyone in trouble. I hated my college physics class. I cheated in the middle of the semester using X-ray vision, but I felt guilty. I stopped cheating and finished the class with a C. 

A: Hey, a happy ending. That’s great. Even the Man of Steel struggled with physics. Thank you so much for your time, Superman.

S: You’re welcome, Adam. I had fun. 


End file.
